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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

above the influence poems




I've had some requests for more poetry so here are two poems that I have written. The first I've already posted on a former blog, and the second is a variation of the first so I would like you to vote on which is better the first or the second because I am torn but like them both.

I looked in her eyes,
And I saw fears,

I looked in her heart,
And I saw tears,

I heard her words,
And felt the pain,

I heard her cries,
And saw the stain,

There she stood alone,
No one on her side,

No one was her friend,
And so alone she died,

No one held her up,
No one found her name,

And when she yelled for help,
Nobody ever came,

Alone in the world she stood,
No one offered a hand,

She died a lonely death,
A woman searching for land,



that was the first

here is the second



Her fears were pictured,
In her eyes,

Her heart is full,
Of tears she cries,

Her words are burdened,
With the pain,

Her crying leaving,
Eternal stain,

Hopelessness,
Is all she'll find,

Veiled by pain,
She is blind,

Pierced by life's dagger,
Won't someone save her,

There she stands alone,
All, on her own,


1 or 2?

6 comments:

NeoAuteur said...

I like the second poem better. That's just my personal preference.

Above the Influence said...

thanks for your thoughts

Havie said...

numbah one most definitly.
btw, I got you off of hostilelegacy.

interesting blog...

priya said...

This is just amazing and all the lines are beautiful with emotional feelings.

Came thru' blogrush.

PrissyG said...

Deffinately the first! But they are both awsome. You deffinately know how to make someone think.

Good Job!

ojee said...

wonderful but i will go 4 the 2nd one.its nice u just go me to think